Wedding Funnies

tips & tricks: realistic planning help for local brides

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Wedding funnies

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees.

The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy - The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.

They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men... Men are like a fine wine.

They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the pits out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Words Women Use

fine... This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

five minutes... If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

nothing... This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

go ahead... This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

loud sigh... This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over 'nothing'.

that's okay... This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

thanks... A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

Set your date with a poem!

Married when the year is new, he’ll be loving, kind and true. When February birds do mate, you neither wed nor dread your fate. If you wed when March winds blow, joy and sorrow you will know. Marry in April when you can, joy for maiden and for man. Marry in the month of May, and you will surely rue the day. Marry when the June roses grow, over land and sea you’ll go. Those who in July do wed, must labour for their daily bread. Whoever weds in August be, many a change will surely see. Marry in September’s shrine, your living will be rich and fine. If in October you do marry, love will come but riches tarry. If you wed in bleak November, only joys will come, remember. When December snows fall fast, marry and true love will last. Monday for wealth, Tuesday for health, Wednesday the best day of all. Thursday for losses, Friday for crosses, Saturday for no luck at all.

bridal DICTIONARY

LOVE 1. the last, and most serious of the childhood diseases. 2. a strange feeling that comes over a man when he keeps wanting to call his girlfriend by his last name.

KISSING a method of getting two people so close together that they can’t possibly see anything wrong with each other.

ENGAGEMENT a word with two meanings - in war, it’s battle, in courtship, it’s surrender.

LOVE SONG a caress set to music.

BRIDE a person who is first to put her foot down after being carried across the threshold.

GROOM a man who has lost his liberty in pursuit of happiness.

MARRIAGE LICENSE the only permit taken out after the hunt is over.

MARRIAGE a process much like a cafeteria - you carefully look over the choices, select what looks best, and pay later.

HAPPY MARRIAGE when a man knows what to remember and a wife knows what to forget.

SMART WIFE one who makes her husband feel as if he is the CEO of the house, when in reality, he is only chairman of the entertainment committee.

THEWEDDINGRING.CA 1. London & area web ring, online community, informal gathering of brides, bridal parties, parents of brides, and service providers 2. collection of wedding-related resources, supplies, and discussions 3. news source for local wedding events and trends, see also: a bride's new best friend.

wedding ha ha's

for a stressed out bride

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Son: Is it true, Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.

Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."